Merkin Karr Peanuts and Dirty Biker Bars (Compassions IV)

and it goes a little something

like: you’re not better until

you are. and your hair isn’t

the same length until it is.

like saying something simple

will make it easier to make

things easier. and so you

keep writing ‘fake it till you

make it’ over and over

again because someones

article on the internet

said it would help. so you

do it until you memorize

the way a pencil feels when

it sits in your hand. and

sometimes when you’re

going to bed you can still

feel yourself crossing the

t’s and dotting that i. and

then you feel like maybe

you’ve made it. like maybe

you are better and maybe

just maybe that undercut

is the same length that it

was before you shaved it

all off. and it goes a little

something like not giving

a fuck again until you do.

because you will. you’ll

find that kind of love again.


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